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Yo Miguel y tú Títeres; ellos son el Bruños, el Güilo y el Alto Guataje; siempre wacha bien, las manos en el volante y los ojos en la carretera, aunque este camino sea interminable, oscuro y solitario; está de la chingada, pero, bueno, también de pocamadre, qué relajazo hemos echado, y aquí andamos desde hace cuándo, desde siempre, rolando sin parar, desde que vendíamos al Bruñido a unos viejos puñales que se lo cogían hasta por las orejas y lo ponían hasta atrás de pastas. Puros seconales que lo dejaban como zombi. De ahí viene su época de Gran Ataco. Después llegábamos a una tortería y pedíamos cien tortugas. Cuando ya nos las habían hecho, y nosotros nos habíamos recetado unas veinte chelas por lo menos, había que pagar y decíamos oye, como que con cien tortas no nos va a alcanzar, que nos hagan otras fifty, y en lo que están haciéndolas agarrábamos las bolsa con las tortuguesas ya listas y corríamos al coche, donde el Gran Guataclan ya había prendido el motor. También saqueamos las vinatas para tener alcohol y chelas a pasto y el cabrón de Güilo, muy calladito, sin falta se cagaba en el mostrador. Esa era su firma: cagarse donde fuera, siempre tenía un cerrote disponible para cualquier ocasión. Pinche atascado. Lo veías muy serio, pero cuidado por que te sellaba la casa. El Alto Guataje, a su vez tenía ala pésima costumbre de agandallarse; veía a una chava buenota en la calle, la subía la coche a base de empujones, le daba dos tres guamasos hasta dejarla como idiota, se la llevaba al hotel mas jodidérrimo que podía encontrar, se la cogía cinco veces sin sacar (bueno, a veces, para cambiar de posición); después se largaba y dejaba a la nena volando en la estratosfera, sin poder creer ese deleite torrencial, demencial, hubiera sido de a de veras. Era famosa la verga del Alto Guataje, porque se la enseñaba a cualquiera, después empezó a cobrar por dejar que se la chaquetearan o se la mamaran. En esos se le adelantó siglos a el de Boggie nights. Era un cabrón el Alto Guataje. El Bru, en cambio parecía que caminaba en las nubes, siempre muy suavecito por que estaba hasta la madre, primero por el alcohol y las pastas, que iban de anfeta a barbies, de elevadores a sepultadores, pasando por toda la gama de calmantes montes, después fueron los psicodélicos. Por mi parte, Yo miguel me las cogí a todas. No distinguía. Si tiene hoyo como sea follo. Ora si como el Milamores: virgencitas que riegan las rosas, casadas, solteras, viudas, divorciadas, chavitas, vetarras, chaparras, altas, flacas, gordas, apretadas, guangas, buenísimas, abusadísimas, pendejas, de todo. Les hablaba suavecito, las envolvía con las palabras y le salía una ternura que nunca hubiera imaginado o la cabrones y vale madres si hacia falta. El cogedero era en el coche, casi siempre, por que no había varo suficiente para un hotel, pero también en plena calle, o en los baños de los restaurantes, bares y salones de baile, o en el campo, o en la casa de mis jefes, muy calladitos, para que no se dieran cuenta. Ay guey, que metederos de verga; me cae que cogía mas que le Alto Guataje a pesar de que él era de la Gran Verdolaga. Después ya se sabe, chocamos, salimos con vida, quien sabe como, el Bruño iba manejando pero hasta atrás como de costumbre y mocos!!!, derrapamos en la curva, de milagro no nos fuimos al precipicio por que quien sabe como el Bruños dio un volantazo o freno o sepa, pero el carro latigueo y, chíngale, se unto en la pared del monte del lado contrario. Puta madre, el Güilo se hincó a rezar namás salio de la nave, chillando, y todos estábamos blancos del susto. No nos paso nada de pura caca. Pero después éramos expertos en accidentes, choques, volcaduras, madrazos contra lo que fuera, no tanto como los de Crash pero ya hasta nos reíamos, que buen chingadazo, ¿no?, mira nomás el sangrerío que me traigo. Bueno, con el tiempo, y como todos, enriquecimos y nos enriquecimos, y dijimos ¿No tengo el dinero suficiente?, ¿no tengo la pinga larga y gorda y se me para hasta rezando el rosario? Perdimos primero al Bruño y luego al Güilo, que decía ser el Ruedasolo, pero llego el tocamadera, que agarro la onda superbien como si toda la vida la hubiera rolaqueado con nosotros; en tonto nos casamos, tuvimos hijos y todo lo demás: casa de veinticuatro habitaciones en Jardines de la Verga; dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, quince coches, de limo a deportivo, sesenta tarjetas de crédito, teléfono celulares, note books, catorce teles con pantallas de dos metros, home theater, mp3, dvd, 4Dv, internet, microondas y todo lo demás que menciona Renton al final de Trainspotting. Seguimos saliendo de rol los cinco juntos y el debraye era bueno, pero ya no era igual, y con el tiempo, la cuarentena, los años tostachones, el club de los sesenta, nosotros, para entonces la Banda del Betabel, salíamos cada vez menos, pero hasta el ultimo momento me cae que la hicimos, verdad, o al menos la pasamos chido, por que vivimos a fondo nuestro sueño, nuestra carretera perdida en medio de la noche.

Agustín, José. Cuentos Completos (1968-2002). México: 2002. Editorial Planeta.

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Before we start the guide, let us have a review of what is an IP address. Your IP is a unique set of numbers that identifies your computer on the Internet or any network. You might need to know what your IP is for different reasons. IP’s maybe static or dynamic, this depends on your ISP and connection type, if it’s dynamic, you would get a new IP each time your connection is reset. A static IP however cannot be changed and is permanently assigned to your connection by your ISP.
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